i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
