I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Let's paint friendship bongs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
