in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize