3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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