she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
