she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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