If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
