even my farts smell like vagina
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize