GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
