my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You left your phone here
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