Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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