Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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