he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
