dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
