Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
