I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
