i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
