white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
