remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
