Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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