I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
