the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
