You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
