fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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