i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
