blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
