I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
