so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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