This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize