Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
