ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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