I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
