You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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