your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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