I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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