Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
