Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize