i think i have two assholes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
