What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize