My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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