I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
