I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
