So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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