If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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