it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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