I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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