We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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