he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
