Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
