I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
