I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
