she looked like the before picture.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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