'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
