4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
