if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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