Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
