so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
babies were throwing up all over the place
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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