My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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