Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
