Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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