i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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