Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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