why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
