The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
