I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
