I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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