you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
