your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
