So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
