just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
