OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
