i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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